EMWTTSFM With Pies and The Grape Report.
EMWTTSFM With The Best Ever Pecan Pie
Food Review by Gary Gardiner
I’ve had a lot of pecan pies over the years—including the legendary Drunken Aunt Vivian’s version, remembered for its whiskey kick—but none of them reached the level of the pie I picked up from Ohio Pies at the Saturday Market.
The drunken label for Aunt Vivian was slightly misplaced, although she did like beer or a good whiskey, Pontiacs rather than the Fords where my father worked, and going on Caribbean cruises. I suspected that she went on cruises because she didn’t have to drive home after a day and night of partying, and the GTOs looked more sporty than a Ford Galaxy.
The label stuck, although it was never uttered in her presence and used as an admonition against drinking because you might be driving a GTO one day. This was from my parents, who wanted to make sure I didn’t end up a drunk and constantly lectured me on the evils of alcohol. The same parents who kept a gallon jug of moonshine flavored with dried fruit beneath the kitchen sink, the jug hidden by grocery sacks and bleach.
A junior high school teacher named Mrs. Fabrick did more to turn me against the evils of drinking with lectures and projected photos shown on a pull-down screen at the chalkboard. What really scared me was that she said she was teaching from experience, and if her physical presence and demeanor were examples of the evils of drugs, I’m going straight.
I did get caught drinking rum at a high school dance with a punishment to match the crime. Grounded for an indeterminate time.
A Pie Too Rich?
This pecan pie checked every box in the checklist for pecan pies without Aunt Vivian’s whiskey. The crust was buttery, firm, and strong enough to hold its shape. You could pick up a slice with your hands like pizza without it collapsing, which speaks to both the texture and the balance of filling to crust.
The filling itself was a dream: thick, rich, and packed with caramel flavor without tipping into toothache sweetness. The buttery depth came through in every bite, carrying the thick layer of toasted pecans perfectly. Each slice had the right ratio, so every bite delivered both crunch and smoothness.
What set this pie apart was the harmony of flavor and texture. Where some pecan pies can be runny, overly sweet, or heavy, this one was firm, balanced, and indulgent without being excessive. It was the rare kind of dessert that makes you stop mid-bite and realize you’ve found a new benchmark.
“Best ever” isn’t something I say lightly. But this pecan pie from Ohio Pies earned it.
The Green Grape Report
Food Review by Gary Gardiner
Meijeer - Polaris
Brand - Green grapes from California.
Price - $1.99 a pound.
Appearance - Bright color with few flaws.
Size - Slightly larger than last week’s choice. The grapes weighed an average of 8.6 grams. The average length measured from ten grapes is 26mm, with an average diameter of 24mm.
Crispiness - Crisp with a thin skin
Taste - Slightly less sweet but better than the previous week’s grapes from Mexico. Measured at 23.1% sugar, down from 24% last week,
PLU Code - 4022, the standard code for green grapes.
The Review
These grapes are not quite as crisp as last week's, but they are very close. The bag I bought contained about 4 pounds of grapes on six different stems, and each stem’s grapes feel and taste different. There isn’t a significant difference between the stems, but it seems that this bag contains grapes from more than one vine or row.
Table grapes are picked by hand, unlike grapes meant for juice and wine. They are delicate, and the slightest bruise can ruin them. This is why the harvest is done entirely by skilled workers, whose expertise is invisible to most consumers. Automated pickers do not concern themselves with appearance; their focus is on harvesting the grapes at the right time and transporting them quickly to the storage shed.
For the pickers, cosechadores, moving quickly and methodically through the rows of grapes, quietly doing the work that delivers flawless table grapes to store shelves across the country is challenging.
Each harvester moves rhythmically, quickly assessing ripeness. The work is exhausting. They begin before dawn to take advantage of the cooler morning, but by midmorning, the heat is already rising into triple digits. Still, the pace remains steady. Each row tests their endurance.
Table grapes may look appealing on store shelves, fresh every day, regardless of the time. However, the process behind growing them is complex. It depends on generations of knowledge and is performed by experienced crews who understand the vineyard as well as their tools. No machine can replace this work, just as no machine can replace selecting the best-looking and hopefully best-tasting bag of grapes.
The Westerville News is a reader-supported publication by Gary Gardiner, a lifelong journalist who believes hyper-local reporting is the future of news. This publication focuses exclusively on Westerville—its local news, influence on Central Ohio, and how surrounding areas shape the community.
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